I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Pants are for mortals
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
