Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
