Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
