is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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