On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
