We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I deserve this hangover.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
