Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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