I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
