I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you inspire me to be a worse person
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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