remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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