I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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