After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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