Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
