jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
