you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
