so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
