I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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