I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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