Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
