And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
