I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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