I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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