I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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