Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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