We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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