Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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