coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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