yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Randomize
