I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
