She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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