pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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