Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
