YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she told me i tasted like america
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He shit in the fireplace
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
