This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
