made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
