Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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