My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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