dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
