Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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