Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
