i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
