is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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