He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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