So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
