Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize