just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
