What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
