This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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