so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
