I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
