Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My bed smells like the plague
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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