nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize