were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The Olympian is in my bed
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
