How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
