He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
