Your mouth is God's brothel.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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