i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
