I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
