I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Drunk is a universal language darling
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
