Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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