Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
