I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize