So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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