Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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