I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
