How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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