my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
